The Breakdown of New Year's Eve

New Year's Eve is an interesting holiday, considering its not exactly a holiday, just the Eve of one.  Yet, it is a lot more fun than the actual day that's for sure.  For older people, they will probably go to a party and get super drunk on New Year's Eve, well I'm certainly not 21 so none of that will be happening this year.  #sorrynotsorry

There are many weird traditions on the Eve of the new year.  It is always expected to be the greatest night of the year where you do crazy things you would not forget in a lifetime.  For me, my New Year's Eves are anything but that.  Memorable? Maybe, but I do not do anything crazy enough to tell my grandchildren, take last year for example.

I was having a sleepover with my friend, Hannah, and we just listened to music on my record player for a while, and then watched The Fault In Our Stars.  Do not get me wrong, that is a great way to spend time, in my mind, but it is nothing like kissing someone when the clock strikes midnight.  It happened more like this:

(the reason for my tears credits to Wikipedia)

*watching TFIOS and crying*
Hannah: *checks phone*
"Hey, look.  Its 12:06am.  It's a new year now!"

Me: *still crying at the movie*
"Oh, look at that.  Literally nothing changed."

After that, we just listened to even more music until I fell asleep at two a.m., good times.

Although I can be quite the party animal most of the time, New Years Eve is just one of the 0.0001% where I am not, sorry to disappoint.

Another weird tradition that I have many mixed feelings about is the dreaded New Year's resolutions.  If you do not know what a New Year's resolution is, it is basically a swear that you make before the new year that you will do something throughout the entire year.  Usually it is something like, to lose weight or to not eat chocolate for a year, and other things like that.  You may be wondering, "Mikelle, that sounds like a good idea, why don't you like it?"  Well, my friend, I do think it is a pretty good idea, except for two reasons:

1.  One out of three people give up or forget about their resolutions by the end of January, says Fetters.  It may just be me, but it is pointless to make a goal that you don't work towards or even remember to work towards.

2.  If you need to improve your life or health, why wouldn't you have done that when you realized you needed to?  You don't have to wait until the new year to change your life.  Just saying.

Lastly, why is there such a need to kiss someone when it becomes midnight?  There are people like me who will just become the third wheel of the entire party, not cool and very unnecessary.

(I can relate credits to Her Campus)

So, if there is anything you should take away from this post it is that:

1. It's okay if you want to watch sad movies instead of going to a party.
2. If you are going to make a resolution do it right and when it's needed.
3. Be a proud third wheel or, if you are one of the people that gets kissed, go easy on the third wheels.

Christmas Traditions to a non-christian

My fellow people, Thanksgiving is officially long gone.  We all know what that means (well, if you are a Christian then you definitely know), IT IS NOW AND FOREVER CHRISTMAS SEASON.  Christmas, if you do not already know, is a beautiful holiday surrounded by the idea of giving and listening to all of the "lit" Christmas songs.  Just saying, the Mariah Carey ones beat everything else.  Although this is my favorite holiday, many different abnormal traditions that come with the holiday itself.

First of all, what is Christmas caroling?  Walking around, in the cold, and singing various Christmas songs to people who might not even celebrate Christmas?  I understand everything about spreading Christmas cheer, but what about Hanukkah cheer?  You don't see any Hanukkah caroling or spirit.  Don't get me wrong, I love singing Christmas songs but it's just a question that needs to be answered.

Second, the mistletoe tradition, although cute for old people and couples, can make for a very awkward situation for everyone else.  For example, one time my brother and I walked into my aunts house, at the same time.  Guess what was above us?  Yep, of course it just happened to be mistletoe.  Thanks, Obama. Now, I promise you no kisses were shared, because incest is absolutely not win-cest in the Olsen.  But, it still did make for a very uncomfortable situation.

(The source of all holiday awkward situation credits to Prairie Works)

Third, why are there so many Christmas movies out there?  I love watching Christmas movies, especially Elf and others like that, but they honestly take over all T.V. channels.  Are there any Hanukkah movies?  If any of you know, please let me know because it is a serious question i've had for a while now.  You would think that even though Judaism is the minority, an eight day holiday would crush a two-ish long holiday as far as stores, music, and movies.  See?  I have some sort of logic sometimes.  And Hallmark, I am sorry but you really need to think of a new plot for every single one of your "unique" Christmas movies.  Not everyone that celebrates Christmas lives in New York, thank you very much.

Lastly, I love Christmas sweaters, but when it comes down to it they really aren't that needed.  Although I must say that buying a sweater and ugly-ifying it is quite satisfying if you ask me.  Or taking a trip to the DI.  That, right there, is always a good time.

(actual goals credits to Ugly Christmas Sweater)

All of these weird traditions, though, are what make Christmas such a party.  Well that and not having school, that's pretty nice too.  Hopefully all of you have a hella lit Christmas, or if you celebrate Hanukah or Kwanza, please find movies and sweaters for those holladays.  I am quite interested in this.

Mikelle takes the Fashion Industry

As you can tell by the title, I am planning to one day take over and rule the fashion industry.  "Why?" you may ask.  Here, I'll give you a little bit of background.  The other day we had some free time in math, which resulted in me going online shopping.  Looking at some of the clothes, prices, etc.,  made me seriously question the fashion industry and all that it stands for.  After expressing some of my concerns and questions about this to Laisa and Natalie, we have come to the conclusion that I, Mikelle should just take over the whole thing.  Think about it for a second.  Have you ever been in a store and been seriously concerned about some of the clothes they sell?  Or just walking down the street and wondering why anyone would make a piece of clothing or accessory like that.  Well, I have many times.

For example, why are girls clothing so much shorter and more revealing than boys?  It really makes no sense and just enforces different stereotypes about girls.  Also, a dress that is a normal length, is probably barely long enough to be a shirt on people as tall as me.  There is more than one height possible for girls, you know. (don't even get me started on Halloween costumes either)
I mean seriously, this poor girl is basically straight out of the womb already looking stripper-like.

   (Terrifying and concerning credits to Daily Mail)

Second, why do fur/silk coats exist?  The fur is supposed to be on the inside for maximum warmth, not the outside.  And the silk on the inside?  Really? Think about this, if you were stranded in the middle of Antarctica, freezing to death, and you had a choice of two coats: one with fur on the inside or the other one with fur on the outside and silk on the inside, which one would you chose?  If you answered the one with silk on the inside, it can only mean two things: you live in a warm place, like California or Hawaii, or two: you immediately thought there would be a personal heater or warm campfire provided for you.  They are pretty expensive, too! (Exhibit A)  Basically you are spending your money ($150 or more) on a jacket that isn't doing its job, smart move.

(unnecessary credits to Abercrombie & Fitch)

Lastly, why do some stores have only one or two sizes as an option?  *cough* Brandy Melville *cough* The entire human race (that would be shopping on that website) does not fit into just one size.  No matter how stretchy, one shirt will not fit, let alone look good on everyone.  Do you really think that a skirt that fits the skinniest person in the world is going to fit someone like Kim Kardashian?

(Queen credits to Actuarial Post)

Yeah, I didn't think so either.

As you can see, the whole fashion industry is struggling.  This is why I am here, to change the world, one (real) "fur" coat at a time.  Until next time, mis amigos.

Thanksgiving for Non-Americans

Hello fine citizen.  As you may know, November is upon us.  For all of you Americans out there, we all know what that means: Thanksgiving.  Now, if you aren't American you might have heard of this holiday, or you might not have.  I don't know your life story, man.  For all of you people who don't know what Thanksgiving is, I will teach you my young one.

Once upon a time, long before Donald Trump's toupee was born, the Native Americans living in America helped the new colonists with their harvest.  They had a good relationship, they were bros.  This is before they forced all of them to live on reservations, of course.  Anyway, the harvest brought some good food and so the colonists went, "Hey we should get the squad together and eat all this food."  So, they did just that.  They got the squad, as well as some "bangin' honeys" (as Matthew would say) and had a "Thanksgiving" feast.

(Original pic creds to Wikipedia)

Since then, I guess you could say the holiday has evolved.

Basically, a family, and sometimes extended family, sit down and eat as much food as they desire.  This may be turkey, or it may be potatoes in various forms.  For me, it's more like the second choice.  Thanksgiving is also a day of football, don't ask me why.  If it were me in charge, I would make it a day of Disney but we don't always get what we want.  Then, in my family, we pretty much just take the day to sleep and cry because all of the food is gone.  Or play with baby cousins, but that's what we do every holiday.

The stereotypical family might go around the table and say what they're thankful for or make DIY turkey decorations, but my family pretty much just makes jokes the whole time.  It's not that different of a day except for that night.  Thanksgiving night is where the magic happens.  This is when all of my family is too tired to do anything and on their third or fourth hour of their Netflix binge-fest.  This is when Mikelle goes up to her room, locks the door, blasts Christmas music, and basically drops a Christmas bomb of decorations everywhere.  Yep, that's right.  I decorate for Christmas on Thanksgiving, so sue me.

After this lovely HOLLAday (as I would call it), starting at mid-night, we go shopping all night for stuff that we don't need.  This is known as Black Friday.  It is also a day when everyone in America turns into animals when they see the item they want.  Which results in many people getting trampled (Exhibit A).  My family does not participate in this though, because we enjoy our sleep, unlike some people.

Now, thanks to me, if you are ever to be in the need of impressing someone (possibly a significant other) you can bring up all the new information that you have just learned.  I don't know what significant other would be impressed by your knowledge of Americans eating a lot and watching football, but you never know.

Watching Children in my Free-time?

As a teenager with a very short attention span, I find that I need a sufficient amount of money to use towards entertainment.  This so called "entertainment" money may be mistaken for drug money, but it is really only used towards these 5 things: Cafe Rio, Unnecessary items at Walmart that seem important at the time, but never are, more Cafe Rio, sticker books, various "claw" games that I never win, and clothes that I will probably return anyway.

As you can see, the small amount of money that I have is dire to my teenage experience.  "How do I get all of this moolah?" you may ask.  And the answer to that question, long story short is by intently watching young children while alone in a house.  Or as the 'cool kids' call it these days, "babysitting."  Even though I babysit quite often, and am quite good at it (no need to brag or anything), I still wonder why I am allowed to be trusted with children.  I mean, would you really want me, out of all people, to be in charge of your beloved tiny humans?  Yeah, probably not.  But considering the circumstances, I am actually a great babysitter.

Exhibit A:

(low quality photo, high quality baby creds to myself)

STORY TIME:
Last summer, I was babysitting a 6 year-old girl and she was being difficult, to say the least.  I usually don't have a short temper when it comes to kids, but that day I was just tired and was not in the mood.  Instead of putting her to bed at her bed time, I put her to bed an hour and a half early so I could watch Disney Channel without interruption.  Although this may sound terrible, you know you would've done it too.

Another time, more recently, I was babysitting a girl and her baby sister.  When talking to the girl about her life and baby sister, I made the mistake of referring to the baby as a "fetus."  Here is a definition incase you were wondering:

(credits to the Apple dictionary widget)

This brought an abundant amount of confusion from the girl, and she kept asking me for the next 15 minutes what it meant.  At this point in time, I had mentally switched to panic mode, not wanting to say the wrong thing.  Out of a weak moment, I told her that fetus was another word for food.  Immediately after explaining this, I regretted what I said.  I then told her that I made up the word, just to save myself and her from further confusion down the road.  Bad choice, Mikelle, very bad choice.

*I would just like to put it out there that I am in fact not a cannibal and do not promote cannibalism in any way, it was just a bad time in my life.*

Whenever I babysit and the kid(s) are asleep, I always find myself watching the kid show that they were watching earlier.  I sometimes will switch it to Friends, but then decide that I need a better Disney Channel education.  Don't judge, you know you do it too (hopefully).

Anyway, long story short is, if your kid asks you why you are eating a fetus when you are at the dinner table, take it easy on me.  I'm new to this stuff.

The New Tyler Oakley?

Oh hey there.  Looks like you're right on time, my friend.  You know why?  It's because it's story time w/ Mikelle.  No, this is not story time where we sit in a circle on the floor and read Dr. Seuss (although it could be).  This is where I tell a (usually embarrassing) story about my life.  My homies that took my poll voted for this, so if you're not happy about it, you should blame them.  Anyway, on to the story.

*Flash back to 13 year old Mikelle*

As you may or may not know, I am a frequent YouTube user.  At this point in my life, I watched almost every video on every (relevant) topic there was.  A couple of the ones that I remember watching a lot were videos on  how to make money as a teenager.  (And yes, 13 is considered being a teenager so don't even start with the "tween" crap)  On many of the videos, it suggested to start a YouTube channel.  So, being adventurous Mikelle, I made an account.

My first video was called "The Whisper Challenge" and if you don't watch YouTube, it is basically the most over-used video idea/challenge ever.  The video was terrible to say the least, but what else can you expect from a 2009 laptop webcam and iMovie editing?  I was almost proud of it, and decided to make another video called "10 things I hate about school."  This, like the first video, is a very over-used topic.  It ended up being an over ten minute video of me rambling with Katy Perry playing in the background.

Two of my friends "liked" it, and we were convinced that I was going to have hundreds of subscribers.  This never happened, obviously but I was still semi-determined.  I could be the next Tyler Oakley, right?

(Smurf creds to The Daily Beast)

(Albino egg creds to myself)

Right. (at least that's what I thought)
I attempted to film two other videos after that, both going unfinished because they didn't turn out to say the least.  One of them was a prank calling video, which nobody answered their phone to any of my calls. self explanatory.  The second one was a DIY video.  I honestly should've given up sooner on this one, seeing as that I can't even open a bottle of Elmer's glue, let alone tell other people how to be crafty.  It's a huge struggle for people like me.  Anyway, I was planning on making an artsy mason jar with glued-on leaves on the outside (my mom helped me open the glue).  It was going well, I got almost all of the footage when I forgot about the jar.  How do you forget about a project that you have to film about?  I honestly will never know.  Flash forward to two weeks later, I finally remembered that I needed to film the end product.  When I went to go get my beloved masterpiece, I saw that every single leaf glued on my mason jar had died on the jar.  Thanks, Obama.

After that, you could say I took an early retirement.  Now I know what you might be thinking, and no, the videos are not on YouTube anymore.  I can handle a lot of embarrassment, but those videos were a little too high on the scale.  So, lo siento mi amigo.  I know, you all want to keep all tabs about my life, but I will make it up to you somehow (probs not though).

Mikelle 2020

As most of you probably know, Mr. Kanye (Yeezy) West has announced, very abruptly, that he will be running for President of the United States of America in the year 2020.  If you hadn't heard that, then you should really turn on your T.V. or computer more because that is old news, my friend.  Now, as much as I kind of (not really) respect Kanye, I know that I would be a better President for these reasons (there are obviously an infinite amount, but I thought I would make it short for the readers at home):

1.  Kanye may love himself more than anything else, but I love dinosaur nuggets even more. (Self explanatory)
2.  I will print more money because nobody has time for debt (*cough cough* thank Costco for that one).
3.  With Kanye as President, every speech will be 20+ minutes long. . . Do you want to sit through that, America?  That's what I thought.  Instead of speaking, I will just broadcast old Jonas Brothers music videos.  That says enough.
4.  I will make another language for our Nation, but only the Pope and I will learn it.  Let the confusion begin.
6.  Inaugural address?  No, thanks.  Instead of doing that boring stuff, I will stand up in front of millions of Americans, and perform a spoken word version of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.  Mama, ooh.
7. I will make every classic 80's movie's anniversary be a holiday where everyone has to watch that movie.  Our children need a true education on what is actually important in life (you will thank me later).
8.  Kanye may be able to rap, but can he rap in Spanish?  Got that one on you, Kanye.
9. I have hair. Exhibit A:

(Beauty captured by Urban Islandz)

Or do I...?

(Egg baby creds to mi madre)

10. As Rachael says, I have better facial hair than Kanye.  Thanks man, you're such a good friend.

Now, I know what you may be thinking: What are your thoughts on *states political issue*?
Well, I will tell you, fine citizen.

The answer to anything and everything is this:
"If it sounds stupid, it probably is."
-Mikelle

You also may be wondering: Where is number 5?  The same answer applies.  I do what I want.

Kanye, being a multi millionaire, has a little bit of an advantage when it comes to campaigning.  Me, on the other hand, will have to improvise.  If you vote for me, you will get an Easter sticker from my grocery store collection (it's very exclusive).  You may be wondering: "Why would I want an Easter sticker if it's not even Easter?"  But honestly, why wouldn't you?  Also, if you are a dedicated member of the Mikelle party, and yes it is a real thing, then I might even throw in an expired coupon to Justice.  Free of charge *wink wink*.

If you vote for me, I will improve school lunches to Café Rio status, make every grocery store give free stickers 24/7, and I will begone with fake hair.  I'm talking to you, Donald.  We all know you're hair isn't that luscious.

Things That Shouldn't Be Things

As I have learned from my many years on this Earth, there are a lot of different things here.  Some are good things, and some should just not. For example: does anyone really like t.v. commercials? No, because they take time away from your favorite soap opera and/or various guilty pleasure shows.  No me gusta.  Here are 20 things that I truly believe should not exist:

1. Age limits on kids' meals

I am a free American citizen, and if I want chicken fingers, you better give me my chicken fingers.  There should never be an age limit on dreams.

2. Restaurants that only serve breakfast until 11

If I am lazy enough to get breakfast at a restaurant instead of just making cereal at home, asking me to go to the restaurant before 11 is just asking too much.  I’m only one person.

3. Homework that takes longer than an hour to complete.

I shouldn't have to explain this one.

4. Youtube re-makes

Repeating the same thing someone else said will never be as fun as the original.  #sorrynotsorry

5. The Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelors in Paridise

I don’t care about you’re love life, especially not if you have to pick from 12 other attention seekers, to give a mere rose to.  I am not spending an entire season of my life waiting for you to give a girl/guy something that you can buy at Smith's for $9.99.

6. Croc Charms

Seriously, why did anyone ever find enjoyment in those? I will never understand.

7. Crocs

Even if they weren’t shaped like a mix between swiss cheese and clown shoes, they would still be ugly.

8. Snuggies'

They are just backwards bath robes that allow no cuddling whatsoever.  Not that I would ever have the need to cuddle anyone, but if the time comes you should always be prepared.  Just get a onesie instead.

(Gorgeous 'camel' snuggie captured by Snuggie Blanket Shop)

9. Spoilers

If you know the ending to my favorite book, movie, or T.V. show and you tell me that ending, we can no longer be friends.

10. Starbucks “coffee” drinks

If your “coffee” has more sugar and cream then it does coffee, it’s not coffee and you need to stop.

11. Foods that are unnecessarily deep fried

Fried strawberries, really?  You’re the reason why a large percentage of Americans are obese.

12. School lunches

If I can’t identify what I am eating without reading it on a white-board, it should not be sold to children.

13. Mice

Sorry Cinderella, but some of us talk to people about our problems, not disease-carrying rodents.

14. Mosquitoes

Do not suck my blood, it’s disgusting.  Only Daemon and/or Stephen Salvatore from Vampire Diaries have access to my blood.  Case closed.

15. Hotel soap

We all know that’s not a real scent.

16. People who make no effort to talk to you, but ask why you never talk to them.

In other words, the people who all they have to say to you is "HAGS".

17. Ads that don’t let you skip them

I am happy with the car insurance I have, Geico.  Now please let me stream my music in peace.

(Inspiration brought to you from Girl Scouts Western Pennsylvania)

18. Chain emails/texts
I've never forwarded your email and my mom is still alive, thank you very much.

19. People who talk through movies
I did not pay $7.50 to hear about your day, just watch the movie.

20. Keyboard clicks
Now the whole world knows how slow you text (I'm talking to you, Mom)

Somewhat Unfortunate Fetus Events

Everyone has an embarrassing moment or two as a child that haunt them for the rest of their lives. Being the person I am now, one can only imagine how I was as a small human.  As requested, this post is going to explain only a few of these events in time.  And as much as I may deny, some of these stories are more recent than I would like to admit.  On that note, let's do this.

Story #1 The Mac-and-Cheese House:

I will tell you a little of a backstory before I get into this one.  Growing up, I lived next to a family of three girls, one in which was my age.  Let's just say that these girls weren't the nicest people ever.  I was on a soccer team at the time, and the neighbor my age was on our rival team, so that only added to the tension.  I couldn't just let these girls go around being mean, right?  So I took matters into my own hands.
Mac and cheese was a huge part of my diet as a kid, especially when my homies came over (shoutout to my people over at Kraft).  One day in particular, my best friend Thomas (names will be changed for obvious reasons) was over at my house.  My mom made mac and cheese for us and we were sitting in my backyard.  He knew how much I disliked these girls, and we ended up throwing most of our mac and cheese at the neighbor's house, over my fence.  If you think that is the worst part, then you are sadly mistaken.  The small pieces of artificial-cheese covered pasta ended up sticking to their house, with no sign of falling off any time soon.  After that, every time Thomas came over, we would strategically save most of our macaroni and cheese to throw at the neighbor's house.  Not only did they stick for days, but two years later, when moving out of that house, we found the hard pieces of macaroni still stuck all over the side of my neighbor's house.  Don't mess with me, man.  You might find macaroni stuck to your house.

Story #2 The Not-so Amazing Allyson

It was around Christmas time when I was around seven or eight.  I had been begging for six months for my parents (and santa) to get me an Amazing Allysen doll.

(Photo from Toy Directory)

Not only was this doll super fashionable to young Mikelle, but she would also talk to you and "do things" with you.  I put quotations right there because she didn't actually do those things, but hey it's the thought that counts.  (She was quite expensive, also.)  Anyway, I was extremely excited to see none other than an Amazing Allysen doll under the Christmas tree that morning.  I spent countless hours playing with it, completely mesmerized by it.  Later that night, my family was sitting in the kitchen while I was in the living room right next to the kitchen, playing with my new best friend.  When I finally was done talking to my doll, I pressed her left hand for her to go to sleep, as she had instructed. Only when I pressed her hand, she did not go to sleep.  Instead she said, "Do you want to go shopping?"  I replied with, "No, go to sleep."
This process repeated a couple times until I started getting frustrated.  I don't remember much of this story, but as my family says, they looked over to the living room to see little me, crying and banging my Amazing Allysen doll on the ground.  Yelling, "SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP" many times until I eventually hid her under the couch, still crying.  The moral of this story is, if someone squeezes your left hand, don't ask them to go shopping.

I think that is enough embarrassment for one person so, that will be the end of this post.  Before you start crying, there will most likely be many posts on even more embarrassing stories in the future.

Shoulder Fettish?!

Dear school dress code,

I have been in school for most of my life now.  I guess you could say that I am very experienced, an expert even, at everything school related.  (Except math, that is still a work in progress.) Even with my expertise and Masters degree worthy knowledge of this, I still have many questions about the school system in general.  Let me be more specific.  Let's talk about the dress code, shall we?

I understand wanting to keep students from dressing inappropriately, but not even being able to show your shoulders, really? Have you ever been in a classroom or walking down the street, and have been distracted by shoulders? Ya me neither. Maybe it is just me, but shoulders are the least of my worries when it comes to being distracted.  Or, maybe the school board just has a shoulder fetish? Yeah, let's go with that one.

(Picture from Anonymously Relatable)

What about the whole "no hat in classrooms" rule?  I have personally never been talking to someone, and felt a lack of respect because that person was wearing a hat.  So to all of the teachers reading this: at least use a better excuse to as why we can't wear a beanie, because we all know that respect is not it.
Next, we have the "fingertip rule."  All of the tall people out there in the world will understand where I am coming from.  It is extremely hard to find long enough shorts, skirts, etc. when the average height in most clothing stores is around 5'3".  It just does not work out.  If you guys want to go out and buy me long enough shorts, then go right ahead, but if my shorts are covering everything that needs to be, just let me go to class in peace.  Don't make me change into gym clothes, that just becomes more distracting than shoulders and not just because it doesn't look good (have you ever smelled the girls locker room? I rest my case).

(well said, tall girl problems)

For those of you who are not familiar with my school, we recently had a dress code change.  Before the change, we weren't even allowed to wear scarves.  Yes, you did read this right, SCARVES.  The school's reasoning, best of all, was that it is a choking hazard and can be used to harm someone else. What kind of teenager or elementary school kid even, would be so immature as to use someone's scarf to choke another?  The world may never know.
Long story short, my dear dress code, just stop being stupid and discriminating.
"That's all I gotta sat 'bout that." -Forrest Gump

You're #1 Hater,
Mikelle