Thanksgiving for Non-Americans

Hello fine citizen.  As you may know, November is upon us.  For all of you Americans out there, we all know what that means: Thanksgiving.  Now, if you aren't American you might have heard of this holiday, or you might not have.  I don't know your life story, man.  For all of you people who don't know what Thanksgiving is, I will teach you my young one.

Once upon a time, long before Donald Trump's toupee was born, the Native Americans living in America helped the new colonists with their harvest.  They had a good relationship, they were bros.  This is before they forced all of them to live on reservations, of course.  Anyway, the harvest brought some good food and so the colonists went, "Hey we should get the squad together and eat all this food."  So, they did just that.  They got the squad, as well as some "bangin' honeys" (as Matthew would say) and had a "Thanksgiving" feast.

(Original pic creds to Wikipedia)

Since then, I guess you could say the holiday has evolved.

Basically, a family, and sometimes extended family, sit down and eat as much food as they desire.  This may be turkey, or it may be potatoes in various forms.  For me, it's more like the second choice.  Thanksgiving is also a day of football, don't ask me why.  If it were me in charge, I would make it a day of Disney but we don't always get what we want.  Then, in my family, we pretty much just take the day to sleep and cry because all of the food is gone.  Or play with baby cousins, but that's what we do every holiday.

The stereotypical family might go around the table and say what they're thankful for or make DIY turkey decorations, but my family pretty much just makes jokes the whole time.  It's not that different of a day except for that night.  Thanksgiving night is where the magic happens.  This is when all of my family is too tired to do anything and on their third or fourth hour of their Netflix binge-fest.  This is when Mikelle goes up to her room, locks the door, blasts Christmas music, and basically drops a Christmas bomb of decorations everywhere.  Yep, that's right.  I decorate for Christmas on Thanksgiving, so sue me.

After this lovely HOLLAday (as I would call it), starting at mid-night, we go shopping all night for stuff that we don't need.  This is known as Black Friday.  It is also a day when everyone in America turns into animals when they see the item they want.  Which results in many people getting trampled (Exhibit A).  My family does not participate in this though, because we enjoy our sleep, unlike some people.

Now, thanks to me, if you are ever to be in the need of impressing someone (possibly a significant other) you can bring up all the new information that you have just learned.  I don't know what significant other would be impressed by your knowledge of Americans eating a lot and watching football, but you never know.

Watching Children in my Free-time?

As a teenager with a very short attention span, I find that I need a sufficient amount of money to use towards entertainment.  This so called "entertainment" money may be mistaken for drug money, but it is really only used towards these 5 things: Cafe Rio, Unnecessary items at Walmart that seem important at the time, but never are, more Cafe Rio, sticker books, various "claw" games that I never win, and clothes that I will probably return anyway.

As you can see, the small amount of money that I have is dire to my teenage experience.  "How do I get all of this moolah?" you may ask.  And the answer to that question, long story short is by intently watching young children while alone in a house.  Or as the 'cool kids' call it these days, "babysitting."  Even though I babysit quite often, and am quite good at it (no need to brag or anything), I still wonder why I am allowed to be trusted with children.  I mean, would you really want me, out of all people, to be in charge of your beloved tiny humans?  Yeah, probably not.  But considering the circumstances, I am actually a great babysitter.

Exhibit A:

(low quality photo, high quality baby creds to myself)

STORY TIME:
Last summer, I was babysitting a 6 year-old girl and she was being difficult, to say the least.  I usually don't have a short temper when it comes to kids, but that day I was just tired and was not in the mood.  Instead of putting her to bed at her bed time, I put her to bed an hour and a half early so I could watch Disney Channel without interruption.  Although this may sound terrible, you know you would've done it too.

Another time, more recently, I was babysitting a girl and her baby sister.  When talking to the girl about her life and baby sister, I made the mistake of referring to the baby as a "fetus."  Here is a definition incase you were wondering:

(credits to the Apple dictionary widget)

This brought an abundant amount of confusion from the girl, and she kept asking me for the next 15 minutes what it meant.  At this point in time, I had mentally switched to panic mode, not wanting to say the wrong thing.  Out of a weak moment, I told her that fetus was another word for food.  Immediately after explaining this, I regretted what I said.  I then told her that I made up the word, just to save myself and her from further confusion down the road.  Bad choice, Mikelle, very bad choice.

*I would just like to put it out there that I am in fact not a cannibal and do not promote cannibalism in any way, it was just a bad time in my life.*

Whenever I babysit and the kid(s) are asleep, I always find myself watching the kid show that they were watching earlier.  I sometimes will switch it to Friends, but then decide that I need a better Disney Channel education.  Don't judge, you know you do it too (hopefully).

Anyway, long story short is, if your kid asks you why you are eating a fetus when you are at the dinner table, take it easy on me.  I'm new to this stuff.

The New Tyler Oakley?

Oh hey there.  Looks like you're right on time, my friend.  You know why?  It's because it's story time w/ Mikelle.  No, this is not story time where we sit in a circle on the floor and read Dr. Seuss (although it could be).  This is where I tell a (usually embarrassing) story about my life.  My homies that took my poll voted for this, so if you're not happy about it, you should blame them.  Anyway, on to the story.

*Flash back to 13 year old Mikelle*

As you may or may not know, I am a frequent YouTube user.  At this point in my life, I watched almost every video on every (relevant) topic there was.  A couple of the ones that I remember watching a lot were videos on  how to make money as a teenager.  (And yes, 13 is considered being a teenager so don't even start with the "tween" crap)  On many of the videos, it suggested to start a YouTube channel.  So, being adventurous Mikelle, I made an account.

My first video was called "The Whisper Challenge" and if you don't watch YouTube, it is basically the most over-used video idea/challenge ever.  The video was terrible to say the least, but what else can you expect from a 2009 laptop webcam and iMovie editing?  I was almost proud of it, and decided to make another video called "10 things I hate about school."  This, like the first video, is a very over-used topic.  It ended up being an over ten minute video of me rambling with Katy Perry playing in the background.

Two of my friends "liked" it, and we were convinced that I was going to have hundreds of subscribers.  This never happened, obviously but I was still semi-determined.  I could be the next Tyler Oakley, right?

(Smurf creds to The Daily Beast)

(Albino egg creds to myself)

Right. (at least that's what I thought)
I attempted to film two other videos after that, both going unfinished because they didn't turn out to say the least.  One of them was a prank calling video, which nobody answered their phone to any of my calls. self explanatory.  The second one was a DIY video.  I honestly should've given up sooner on this one, seeing as that I can't even open a bottle of Elmer's glue, let alone tell other people how to be crafty.  It's a huge struggle for people like me.  Anyway, I was planning on making an artsy mason jar with glued-on leaves on the outside (my mom helped me open the glue).  It was going well, I got almost all of the footage when I forgot about the jar.  How do you forget about a project that you have to film about?  I honestly will never know.  Flash forward to two weeks later, I finally remembered that I needed to film the end product.  When I went to go get my beloved masterpiece, I saw that every single leaf glued on my mason jar had died on the jar.  Thanks, Obama.

After that, you could say I took an early retirement.  Now I know what you might be thinking, and no, the videos are not on YouTube anymore.  I can handle a lot of embarrassment, but those videos were a little too high on the scale.  So, lo siento mi amigo.  I know, you all want to keep all tabs about my life, but I will make it up to you somehow (probs not though).