Are you better off?

Wow, it's been a while.  About a week to be exact.  A total of 22 posts, 1,834 page views, and eight followers later, this year of blogging has come to an end.  I will most likely continue with these random posts to the internet, for I have actually found them enjoyable.  They have allowed me to vent and be the person I want to be.  Yes, I still continue do this in person, but there is something better about being able to do this without knowing if people I know personally are reading it.  These have allowed me to express my personality to people possibly around the world (probably not though).

When I found out that we were starting a blog, I was both embarrassed and frustrated.  Partially because most bloggers are mothers of five or vegans, and I wasn't keen on the requirements for our posts.  I had a hard time coming up with a theme of my blog.  But I finally settled on the greatest one of all: no theme.  Why be tied down to just talking about one subject?  I have multiple themes I considered, so might as well do all of them.

My first couple of posts were just rants that I've held onto since the beginning of time.  Throughout this mini e-journey, I found that entertaining people is what I love to do.  This has allowed my to find out a lot about myself through what I have written.  They have let me express personal experiences, embarrassing or not, that might help someone or make them happy.  That, I believe, is what social media is for.  Not to bring people down, but to lift them up.

Nine months later, I have a child.  Just kidding, but I am still the Parks and Recreation loving teenage girl who is in fact less than average, but I feel my confidence this year has gone up a lot.  I've tried out for things I never would of, made new relationships with people I have never met, and overall gotten more mature (I think).  I have always had a self confidence issue, but I feel that this year I made a huge shift.  My family has always thought I had a talent in entertaining and humor, but I didn't really believe them until this year.  I have gotten so many positive comments about this blog and the things I express on it.  To whoever is reading this without the main purpose to grade me on it (you're still cool though, Mr. Parker), thank you.  I am still not very well known, but I got a lot farther with this silly little blog than I ever would've thought.

Don't get me wrong, I am still that one girl in the class that still thinks 'welcome to chili's' is funny and photoshops pictures of herself with the pope, but this year has been a big one for me.  Mikelle out.

(Francis and I on Mt. Everest creds to me)

R.I.P. Squillium Fancy Pants III

Today is a sad day.  On April 21st, 2016, my best friend, partner in crime, and companion passed away.  He was such a good man, who died way too young.  He had a lot of sass, and loved to be fed.  He was my favorite and only fish, and I have so many stories with him (well, not that many).

Once, I came home from school and it was feeding day.  I went through the normal routine of trying to get his food out of the little container thing, spilling it everywhere, trying to get it back in, and repeating the process.  I held the food close to the top of the water, and held it there to wait for hi o swim over to my hand.  But, apparently Squilly was a little more hungry today, and didn't want to mess around.  He jumped the couple of centimeters out of the water and got the food out of my fingers.  He almost bit me, do fish even have teeth?!? (answer here)  He then proceeded to go about his business and swim back into his little purple flower home I bought him.

I always felt bad for Squilly, because he was discriminated a lot throughout his life time.  You see, Squilly is a converted Buddhist who wasn't allowed to express his religion.  The tank simply wasn't big enough to fit the little buddha I found at PetSmart.  The oppressive dictatorship this country possesses did not permit Squilly to worship his beliefs like the rest of us.  All he wanted was to be seen as an equal.  Society, man.

When I found his sad body floating at the top of his tank, it really made me think about how short life is (for fish).  I was shocked for a couple seconds, until I realized I was going to miss the bus, then I quickly wrote a note to my parents saying, "Squilly is dead," and left for school.  Because my dad had the nerve to throw Squilly away instead of giving him a proper burial, we will have a symbolic funeral.  You know how Squilly loved his symbolism, that little devil.

(half mast is too high for this one creds to myself)

As Hazel Grace explains in TFIOS, "Funerals are not for the dead, but the living."  At Squilly's memorial, we will talk about the fun memories we had with him, not his moment of death.  Back when Squilly lived on my bathroom counter, we had many good times.  I remember, on the first day I had him, I wanted to see what music he was into so I put on some Fifth Harmony.  Squilly and I got turnt, he was even dancing around in his little one gallon paradise.  The months when Squilly was in my life were some of the best.  See ya in the next life, Squilly.  Mikelle out.

Types of People

We are soon nearing the end of the school year (finally).  Although that does mean that we are closer to summer, it also means that we are now in the world of standardized testing and teachers trying to hurry and teach material they should've in the first quarter.  Because we are in the brain dead season, I want to make you guys laugh about dumb things that we won't have to deal with soon.

Anyways, the first type of person you should be seeing around this time of year is the kid who basically stops coming.  There are many of these people at my school, including me sometimes.  I don't ditch necessarily, but if I can find any valid reason to not show up, you know I will hit that up.  Because my district thinks its okay to put 7 weeks of straight standardized testing on us in a row, I'm sure there will be more and more of these people in the near future.  Although, I shouldn't be judging them, considering I have missed school every Friday this Quarter so far.

The next type of person is the person who has a million trips planned for the summer, and has no problem sharing it.  We get it, you are spending a month in some tropical place I've never been to.  You might want to know, though, wherever you are going, there are sharks and deadly things, have fun.  While I am here, watching all seven seasons of Parks and Recreation over for the third time, you are getting eaten.  Who's the real winner now?

This next one is more of a last day of school kind of a person, but there is always one person that signs your yearbook and you have no clue why.  This is the person that you talked to once the entire year, but they still give you their number and say "We should hang out this summer!"  Or, you have my least favorite person of all, who writes, "HAGS" as in 'have a great summer'.  Just so you know, if you do this, I always look at HAGS as a signature of the person who wrote it.  I will forever see you as a hag now, but have a great summer!

(what people should write in year books credits to Youth are Awesome)

Although I can relate to all of these, I can not relate to being the person who basically just doesn't bring anything to school anymore.  Literally nothing.  I get that you think you are sticking it to the man or something, but how else are you supposed to bring food or your voodoo dolls to school (no, I do not personally have any voodoo dolls, but ya never know what your readers are into amirite)?  These people just show up expecting everyone else to "lend" them supplies that they never give back.  (RIP 99% of Mikelle's pencils)

So, as this school year ends, just remember that 1. Oprah will fall and 2. get your own freaking pencils. xoxo

Vaping at Disneyland?

Hello my fellow humans.  Spring break, sadly, has come to an end.  I wouldn't mind it ending as much if we weren't immediately thrown into standardized testing for the next seven weeks.  But that, my friends, is a rant for another day.  This spring break, my dance studio went to Disneyland!  After practicing at the crack of dawn (8 am) every Saturday for months, we were finally prepared.  By prepared, I don't mean mentally or emotionally (although I had to do a lot of that so I wouldn't break down into tears when we got there).  We actually went down to Disney to dance in one of their parades.  I may have cried a couple times, but who can blame me for being excited?

(hardly containing our excitement creds to mi madre)

Anyways, I'll get to the more entertaining parts.  First of all, before we even got to our hotel, we had the majestical but scarring experience of seeing a grown man walking around in boxers, and wearing cut trash bags as high socks.  As Ron Swanson once said, "Nature is amazing."

My favorite story of the entire trip would have to be when mi amiga, Lily, and I were on a ride called Grizzly River Run.  It is one of those weird boat raft thingies where the ride is completely in water.  We waited in line for what seemed like hours, and then we finally got to walk across that weird spinning circle to get in our boat thing.  Of course, the majority of people in our boat were over the age of 30.  There were two couples, and then a mom and her daughter.  As we got on the boat, the Disneyland worker looks over to one of the older guys and says, "You might wanna put your vape away, there are kids on this boat."  It was undeniably one of the hardest moments in my life, not to burst out laughing at this guy who, somewhere in his brain thought that bringing a vape pen to a children's amusement park was a good idea, let alone on a water ride.

Below is a candid shot of the Grizzly River Run-vape experience.  From left to right (of people facing the camera): vape guy, vape guy's girlfriend who is also awkwardly waving, Lily, and I (with the face of Oprah when she crushed my dreams).

(photo creds to mi madre)

The last story I have for y'all is kind of a downer, for me at least.  After we were in Disneyland, we went to Newport Beach.  There, we mostly rode beach cruisers (like normal bikes but 1000 times better) and attempted to ride penny boards.  Why are penny boards so much harder to ride than skateboards?  Thanks, Obama.  Anyways, we were riding our sick bikes along the beach, when a fine group of young males start approaching our way on their bikes.  With my hair blowing in the wind and my $3 sunglasses on, I thought I was such a catch at that moment in time.  Boy was I wrong.  Because it was a two-lane mini road sidewalk thing, Lily was riding in front of me.  I turned to look at the horizon (being the mysterious person I am), and I didn't notice her slowing down in front of me.  I full on rammed into her, in front of the attractive group of males.  Fml.  Remember kids, do the opposite of whatever I'm doing and you will be perfectly fine.

How to Live

Hello my fellow Trumpelstiltskins.  I know you are probably expecting a 500ish word post including a funny or embarrassing story from me, but I am actually going to talk (or write I guess) about something serious today.

As I see it, breathing and being alive are two completely different things.  You can be breathing and technically living, but being alive requires so much more.  I am not saying that I am against planning your future, being responsible, etc.  I am just saying that you (usually) need to experience more than you are now or have been.  Believe me, I am working on this myself, so we are both in this together.  You need to explore new places, make fun memories, meet new people, and find happiness.

You are probably asking yourself, "Where is Mikelle getting these ideas?  Why is she being so inspirational all of a sudden?"  Well, I've always been one that likes to explore and find new places, but it was mostly just on vacations and things like that.  The truth is, we need to do things like that everyday we can.  We don't have to live in a place surrounded by beautiful beaches or forests in order to explore and try new things.  You could even go walking around your neighborhood or on a hike and just find a place you like.  It can be something somewhat extravagant, or something as simple as a tree.  My happy place is a bridge I found when walking around by my Grandparent's cabin in Fish Lake.  It is just a small bridge, over a tiny stream.

(pure beauty captured by moi)

Next to it, are hundreds of intertwined tree roots sticking up a couple feet from the ground.  It may not seem too special to any of you, but it is my absolute favorite place to be.  Find a place like this, and go there as often as you can, you will thank me.

(credits to moi, again)

As we grow older, we all get so caught up in homework and social media and trying to fit in that we don't think about ourselves and what we need.  Although homework and school are very important to our education and the rest of our lives, it shouldn't keep you from doing what you love and making sure you are at your best mentally and physically.  For only a couple hours a day, turn your phone off and put it somewhere you don't normally put it, not near you.  During this time, spend time with your family, do something you've never done before, or get into old hobbies.  I have been doing this everyday, and it really has been making me happier.

My favorite thing to do for myself, is take pictures.  More specifically, I like to walk around my street and my backyard, and appreciate the beauty that I am surrounded with.  Don't worry about posting the pictures on Instagram or anything like that, just take them for you and you only.  I know I sound hella cheesy, but I promise that these things will either improve your day, or make you a happier person in general.

So, there was my inspirational rant.  I'm actually quite surprised I could get through 500 words without making a joke or calling myself an egg.  Eh, maybe next time.

O-dizzle is apparently not in the hizzle

Just from reading this title, I already know that most of you will be very confused as to what this blog post is about and why.  I will tell you, my friend.  I have no idea how I got this idea but I guess this is what happens when Mikelle gets bored.

*STORY TIME*

A lone Mikelle was sitting in math class, strongly considering dropping out to become a belly dancer (but that is a story for a different day).  And then I thought, "Hey, whatever happened to Oprah?"  So, I decided to search (via the Googles) what Oprah's email is.  It seemed kind of sketchy at first, considering the that came up email was: oprah@oprah.com, but I guess you can do whatever you want when you're Oprah.  Also, it was my birthday the day I made this masterpiece, so I was even more unstoppable than I am on a daily basis.

Anyways, I went through a little bit of a struggle trying to figure out what I should write about.  It took a whole five minutes to contemplate what would be worthy of Oprah's time (if that email is even hers).  But then I thought, I am an egg.  How can I incorporate that into my ode to Oprah? And then it clicked.  Oprah is known for giving advice, or maybe that's Dr. Phil, I really don't know at this point.  So, I constructed an e-mail that I know would get Oprah's attention for sure.

And then, the words started flowing out onto my new message, like words on a canvas, except for the fact that it was an email, and looks nothing like a painting.  Just go with it.  And I wrote:

To: oprah@oprah.com
Subject: help

"O-dizzle,

I am going through a hard time in my life and you are the only person that can help me.  I ate an egg whole and now I'm turning into one.  I've already lost my hair and limbs.  What do I do?

Your fellow Win-fan.

P.S. Please send an ambulance when you get this."

(with this photo attached:)

(photoshop credits to me, egg credits to PSD Graphics)

And then after over two minutes of no response, I decided to put another one in for me:

To: oprah@oprah.com

"Also, today is my birthday and a car would be much appreciated, think about it."

It has officially been a little less than a month, and I keep expecting at least a one sentence reply from O-dizzle, but still my inbox sits there like the non-fiction section in a Junior High Library.  It is, as Kim Kardashian would say:

(my life right now credits to Sugar scape)

So, now Oprah is basically dead to me.  She broke my heart into a thousand pieces, that sassy devil.  I'm just a lone egg trying to find my way in this world, but I guess that isn't enough for an empowering being like Oprah.  I'll get over it eventually, after I protest her.  I feel like it is the only way to resolve this problem.  Or, I could confront her on Dr. Phil, and then protest her.  Either way, Mikelle ain't letting this one slide.  I'm watching you, Oprah.

Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

Time is a precious thing in our lives.  There are many things in this world that use up our time for no good reason.  Overused catch phrases are a very irritating example of these things.  I saw the vine, you don't need to repeat "Deez Nuts" and "What are those?" all the time.  I have the internet too, but do I go around saying dumb phrases when they aren't needed or funny?  Exactly.

Despite how much free time you probably assume I have, I actually don't have much time to spare in my week.  Surprising, I know.  I have a lot of things I have to get accomplished, and watching normal T.V. is just not an option.  After my family started buying a Netflix subscription, why do we even need real T.V.?  Granted, some of their series choices aren't the greatest, but you can watch it whenever you want without stupid ads to sit through whenever the show actually gets good.

For all you girls out there that have perfect nails all the time, props to you.  Mikelle doesn't have time for that ish.  It takes me what seems like 2398720349857 years to find the color I want, then when I actually paint my nails, it takes that time times two just to dry!  Its not even that thick, why does it take so long?  And no, the "express dry" kind does not actually do that much so don't even get me started.

(actual story of my life credits to Havoc and Mayhem)

Usually when I am putting up decorations, it takes a really long time but hey, it's exciting so I still do it.  Taking them down is a different story.  First of all, it is just plain depressing because it means that that holiday is over.  Second, it takes so much longer to take all of the ornaments off a christmas tree than to put them on.  It's basic science, and I don't have time for it.

Just like painting nails, if you have the time and patience for that, go for it.  I, on the other hand, enjoy my sleep.  What sounds better to you: Waking up at 5 every morning to curl/straighten my hair, or get an extra hour of sleep because I don't need to impress anybody anyways?  It's pretty much self-explanatory.  I don't have time to try to impress people.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but I just don't think that worrying about how someone thinks about you is a good way to spend time.  Don't get me wrong, I care about many people's opinions about me because I'm not perfect but, you shouldn't try to change yourself to try to influence someone's outlook on you.

As a teenager, I don't have much money to spend on clothes.  I have a couple nice and presentable outfits, and that is mostly what you will see me wearing to school every week, but in different orders.  This is okay, despite popular belief.  You want to know why?  Because I OWN A WASHING MACHINE!  Do not criticize me for wearing the same clothes, because if I wash them, why should it even matter?  Most of the people who point these things out, are guys (or girls) that wear the same sweatshirt and pants everyday (without washing them).  You know who you are.

Help Matthew revise his essay (as he requested I included in this post)
"That is not my job!"
-Helen Dubois
If you don't know who that is, then maybe this will refresh your memory:

(My childhood, courtesy of Fan Art)

You're welcome.

V-Day da Real Way

It's February, and you (should) know what that means.  Another HOLLAday post w/ Mikelle!  It also means Valentine's Day, but I mean, what is more important?
Everyone is here for a purpose.  Mine is to teach people about Valentine's Day that most likely already know about it, considering 100% of my "audience" are from America.  Go figure.

Anyway, Valentine's Day.  One of the most dreaded but loved days of the year.  This HOLLAday is based entirely to be the day or month of love.  You seem like a smart person, whoever you are, so I'm guessing you can tell why this would be a problem for a majority of the American population (or wherever else they celebrate it, I don't know man).  Although I am in fact married to Harry Styles, I am technically "single," so I can relate to the struggles.  It is hard to watch other people be all couple-y when you are just a lone egg, finding your place in this world (or in the carton am I right ladies).

(look at us, just being goals original creds to Popsugar)

The even bigger struggle, to me at least, is hearing people complain about being single.  Yes, I know having a bangin' honey would be a prime time, but girl (or boy) you better work having no man or woman (your preference).  Considering I am still stuck in the land of three day relationships, many people I know always try to get a honey so they won't be single on Valentine's Day.  If you already have someone you like, and it so happens to work out that way, you go girl.  But, I don't exactly see the point of going out of your way to get a boyfriend/girlfriend just so you can celebrate a HOLLAday together.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but ain't nobody got time for that.

There are few, but significant benefits of Valentine's season.  If you are anyone like me, you know you'll be hitting up all of that red and pink candy that goes on sale.  There is something about the same exact candy in different colored wrappers that makes it so much better.  I don't make the rules, it just is.  Sorry, Michelle, but that is where it's at.  No, I do not promote unhealthy living, but sometimes you gotta treat yo self, am I right?

(dang right creds to The Savvy Adult)

T-Haverford and Donna know what I'm talking about.

Not only does the abundance of glorious candy catch Mikelle's eye, but the various stuffed animals holding hearts, those are the source of my happiness.  You can hate on stuffed animals all you want, but you know all you want to do is feel them as you walk by.  I know you better than you think.  No, none of me "baes" have ever gotten me one of these, but a girl can dream.

The greatest part of Valentine's Day, to me, are all of the punny cards you see on Twitter.

(in the arms of the angels creds to Valentines Day Poems 2016)

Too soon? Too soon.
Hopefully y'all will have a good V-day, and remember kids, even single Pringles have a stack of other Pringles in the can with them.  Do with that what you want.
Make good choices.

JLaw, my queen

Dear Jennifer (JLaw) Lawrence,

My name is Mikelle, and I really am nobody special.  Sure, I do have the coolest fish in the world and have almost memorized the dialogue in all three Back to the Futures, but I am still just a less-than average girl.  You have millions of fans, while I am completely the opposite with maybe three followers on this blog and about 400 on social media (thanks to my many extended family members). Why am I making an effort to recognize/reach out to you?  The answer is simple.  You are exactly the person who inspires both this blog and the content on it.  You see, as you maybe can already tell, I am a lover of comedy and laughter.  I always have been, or at least as long as I can remember.  I would always go out of my way to make someone or myself laugh.  I mean, a great RomCom can't be a RomCom without the "com," am I right?  Just imagine movies like Clueless or Pitch Perfect without comedy.  I know, it terrifies me, too.

(very relatable creds to Entertainment Weekly)

Although, in the movies I've seen at least, you have always portrayed a more serious character.  But, watching your interviews we can all see how funny of a person you actually are.  Most blogs, or at least successful ones, will have a specific topic to interest those specific readers, but not me.  My blog seems very unorganized and just everywhere, but there is actually a purpose for all of the work put into these posts.  I want to make more people laugh.  Whether they are having a bad day, or the best day of their lives, I want to bring them the laughter that I know has guided me through my life. *inspirational titanic music playing in the background*

Most people admire an actor or actress for their acting skills or the fact that they played that person's favorite character in that movie.  I am guilty of this to some extent, but I strongly disagree, (but you did do an amazing job in The Hunger Games). You could be the Bill Gates of acting and still be a terrible person.  I look up to people more for how they act in interviews, around their fans, etc.  This is one of the many reasons that I admire you.  You don't even hesitate to express how you really feel when people ask about it.  You aren't one of the fake celebrities that acts like they're perfect all the time.  I have watched many interviews that still continue to inspire me.  You, unlike other girls, are never going to be willing to change your body or the way you look for anyone else.

So, this may be a slightly awkward 500 words for you to read, but this is the truth.  You are, in fact, the reason that I post on this blog.  I mean, besides the fact that I am graded on it, but thats not the point.  Okay, I'm gonna go eat now.

Your favorite egg,
Mikelle

Theme Parks 101

In my life, I have been to quite the number of amusement or theme parks.  I love them, the rollercoasters, sometimes waterslides, and so much to do (hence the name).  Nothing can ever destroy my happy mood at a theme park.  Except many things, actually.

If I am taking a picture of something (it has happened before), and the line moves forward, don't you dare try to cut me in line.  I was at Lagoon last year waiting in line for a haunted house, and because it was around Halloween, they have pretty clever decorations.  Anyways, I stopped to take a quick picture of this fake tombstone, and a mom behind me sassed me and tried to walk in front of me in line.  Nice try, hun.

I mean, how can you not take a picture of this? (creds to moi)

If you have been on the ride before and someone hasn't, don't act like you are an expert of that ride.
Thousands, possibly millions of people have been on that ride, you're not special.

Be nice to the workers, please.  This really applies to anywhere you go, but those poor theme park people (usually teenagers) have been there for who knows how long watching you have fun, so be nice.  Also, if YOU drop something off of a ride, don't blame it on them, or anyone else for that matter.  Honestly, just don't wear something that maybe could fall off, it isn't worth losing it.  Once a guy on in front of me on a rollercoaster's hat flew off.  Because my hands were up, I wasn't able to catch his hat.  I swear, if you were there you would've thought that I was the one to make his hat fly off.  We are all just here to have fun, so be nice and respect others por favor.

If you don't get the seat you want on a ride, don't pout or be mad about it.  For little kids this is understandable, but if you are over the age of eight or nine, please don't complain and put everyone in line in a bad mood.  If you really want that specific seat, get back in line and ride it the next time, problem solved.

If you are in a waterslide, please don't try to stop in the middle of it.  You are not spiderman, and you're slowing down the line.

Now, I understand that you and your squad came together and want to ride and die together like a true squad.  However, making people wait in line longer and annoying the workers is not worth you all sitting together on a 0.7 second ride.

All in all, amusement parks are lit.  Despite the people who do things like this and aggravate me and my fellow citizens, it'll almost always be a freaking great way to spend your day.  Plus, you get to see people like this:

(pure beauty credits to Hannah)

I mean, who would miss out on such an opportunity?

The Breakdown of New Year's Eve

New Year's Eve is an interesting holiday, considering its not exactly a holiday, just the Eve of one.  Yet, it is a lot more fun than the actual day that's for sure.  For older people, they will probably go to a party and get super drunk on New Year's Eve, well I'm certainly not 21 so none of that will be happening this year.  #sorrynotsorry

There are many weird traditions on the Eve of the new year.  It is always expected to be the greatest night of the year where you do crazy things you would not forget in a lifetime.  For me, my New Year's Eves are anything but that.  Memorable? Maybe, but I do not do anything crazy enough to tell my grandchildren, take last year for example.

I was having a sleepover with my friend, Hannah, and we just listened to music on my record player for a while, and then watched The Fault In Our Stars.  Do not get me wrong, that is a great way to spend time, in my mind, but it is nothing like kissing someone when the clock strikes midnight.  It happened more like this:

(the reason for my tears credits to Wikipedia)

*watching TFIOS and crying*
Hannah: *checks phone*
"Hey, look.  Its 12:06am.  It's a new year now!"

Me: *still crying at the movie*
"Oh, look at that.  Literally nothing changed."

After that, we just listened to even more music until I fell asleep at two a.m., good times.

Although I can be quite the party animal most of the time, New Years Eve is just one of the 0.0001% where I am not, sorry to disappoint.

Another weird tradition that I have many mixed feelings about is the dreaded New Year's resolutions.  If you do not know what a New Year's resolution is, it is basically a swear that you make before the new year that you will do something throughout the entire year.  Usually it is something like, to lose weight or to not eat chocolate for a year, and other things like that.  You may be wondering, "Mikelle, that sounds like a good idea, why don't you like it?"  Well, my friend, I do think it is a pretty good idea, except for two reasons:

1.  One out of three people give up or forget about their resolutions by the end of January, says Fetters.  It may just be me, but it is pointless to make a goal that you don't work towards or even remember to work towards.

2.  If you need to improve your life or health, why wouldn't you have done that when you realized you needed to?  You don't have to wait until the new year to change your life.  Just saying.

Lastly, why is there such a need to kiss someone when it becomes midnight?  There are people like me who will just become the third wheel of the entire party, not cool and very unnecessary.

(I can relate credits to Her Campus)

So, if there is anything you should take away from this post it is that:

1. It's okay if you want to watch sad movies instead of going to a party.
2. If you are going to make a resolution do it right and when it's needed.
3. Be a proud third wheel or, if you are one of the people that gets kissed, go easy on the third wheels.

Christmas Traditions to a non-christian

My fellow people, Thanksgiving is officially long gone.  We all know what that means (well, if you are a Christian then you definitely know), IT IS NOW AND FOREVER CHRISTMAS SEASON.  Christmas, if you do not already know, is a beautiful holiday surrounded by the idea of giving and listening to all of the "lit" Christmas songs.  Just saying, the Mariah Carey ones beat everything else.  Although this is my favorite holiday, many different abnormal traditions that come with the holiday itself.

First of all, what is Christmas caroling?  Walking around, in the cold, and singing various Christmas songs to people who might not even celebrate Christmas?  I understand everything about spreading Christmas cheer, but what about Hanukkah cheer?  You don't see any Hanukkah caroling or spirit.  Don't get me wrong, I love singing Christmas songs but it's just a question that needs to be answered.

Second, the mistletoe tradition, although cute for old people and couples, can make for a very awkward situation for everyone else.  For example, one time my brother and I walked into my aunts house, at the same time.  Guess what was above us?  Yep, of course it just happened to be mistletoe.  Thanks, Obama. Now, I promise you no kisses were shared, because incest is absolutely not win-cest in the Olsen.  But, it still did make for a very uncomfortable situation.

(The source of all holiday awkward situation credits to Prairie Works)

Third, why are there so many Christmas movies out there?  I love watching Christmas movies, especially Elf and others like that, but they honestly take over all T.V. channels.  Are there any Hanukkah movies?  If any of you know, please let me know because it is a serious question i've had for a while now.  You would think that even though Judaism is the minority, an eight day holiday would crush a two-ish long holiday as far as stores, music, and movies.  See?  I have some sort of logic sometimes.  And Hallmark, I am sorry but you really need to think of a new plot for every single one of your "unique" Christmas movies.  Not everyone that celebrates Christmas lives in New York, thank you very much.

Lastly, I love Christmas sweaters, but when it comes down to it they really aren't that needed.  Although I must say that buying a sweater and ugly-ifying it is quite satisfying if you ask me.  Or taking a trip to the DI.  That, right there, is always a good time.

(actual goals credits to Ugly Christmas Sweater)

All of these weird traditions, though, are what make Christmas such a party.  Well that and not having school, that's pretty nice too.  Hopefully all of you have a hella lit Christmas, or if you celebrate Hanukah or Kwanza, please find movies and sweaters for those holladays.  I am quite interested in this.

Mikelle takes the Fashion Industry

As you can tell by the title, I am planning to one day take over and rule the fashion industry.  "Why?" you may ask.  Here, I'll give you a little bit of background.  The other day we had some free time in math, which resulted in me going online shopping.  Looking at some of the clothes, prices, etc.,  made me seriously question the fashion industry and all that it stands for.  After expressing some of my concerns and questions about this to Laisa and Natalie, we have come to the conclusion that I, Mikelle should just take over the whole thing.  Think about it for a second.  Have you ever been in a store and been seriously concerned about some of the clothes they sell?  Or just walking down the street and wondering why anyone would make a piece of clothing or accessory like that.  Well, I have many times.

For example, why are girls clothing so much shorter and more revealing than boys?  It really makes no sense and just enforces different stereotypes about girls.  Also, a dress that is a normal length, is probably barely long enough to be a shirt on people as tall as me.  There is more than one height possible for girls, you know. (don't even get me started on Halloween costumes either)
I mean seriously, this poor girl is basically straight out of the womb already looking stripper-like.

   (Terrifying and concerning credits to Daily Mail)

Second, why do fur/silk coats exist?  The fur is supposed to be on the inside for maximum warmth, not the outside.  And the silk on the inside?  Really? Think about this, if you were stranded in the middle of Antarctica, freezing to death, and you had a choice of two coats: one with fur on the inside or the other one with fur on the outside and silk on the inside, which one would you chose?  If you answered the one with silk on the inside, it can only mean two things: you live in a warm place, like California or Hawaii, or two: you immediately thought there would be a personal heater or warm campfire provided for you.  They are pretty expensive, too! (Exhibit A)  Basically you are spending your money ($150 or more) on a jacket that isn't doing its job, smart move.

(unnecessary credits to Abercrombie & Fitch)

Lastly, why do some stores have only one or two sizes as an option?  *cough* Brandy Melville *cough* The entire human race (that would be shopping on that website) does not fit into just one size.  No matter how stretchy, one shirt will not fit, let alone look good on everyone.  Do you really think that a skirt that fits the skinniest person in the world is going to fit someone like Kim Kardashian?

(Queen credits to Actuarial Post)

Yeah, I didn't think so either.

As you can see, the whole fashion industry is struggling.  This is why I am here, to change the world, one (real) "fur" coat at a time.  Until next time, mis amigos.

Thanksgiving for Non-Americans

Hello fine citizen.  As you may know, November is upon us.  For all of you Americans out there, we all know what that means: Thanksgiving.  Now, if you aren't American you might have heard of this holiday, or you might not have.  I don't know your life story, man.  For all of you people who don't know what Thanksgiving is, I will teach you my young one.

Once upon a time, long before Donald Trump's toupee was born, the Native Americans living in America helped the new colonists with their harvest.  They had a good relationship, they were bros.  This is before they forced all of them to live on reservations, of course.  Anyway, the harvest brought some good food and so the colonists went, "Hey we should get the squad together and eat all this food."  So, they did just that.  They got the squad, as well as some "bangin' honeys" (as Matthew would say) and had a "Thanksgiving" feast.

(Original pic creds to Wikipedia)

Since then, I guess you could say the holiday has evolved.

Basically, a family, and sometimes extended family, sit down and eat as much food as they desire.  This may be turkey, or it may be potatoes in various forms.  For me, it's more like the second choice.  Thanksgiving is also a day of football, don't ask me why.  If it were me in charge, I would make it a day of Disney but we don't always get what we want.  Then, in my family, we pretty much just take the day to sleep and cry because all of the food is gone.  Or play with baby cousins, but that's what we do every holiday.

The stereotypical family might go around the table and say what they're thankful for or make DIY turkey decorations, but my family pretty much just makes jokes the whole time.  It's not that different of a day except for that night.  Thanksgiving night is where the magic happens.  This is when all of my family is too tired to do anything and on their third or fourth hour of their Netflix binge-fest.  This is when Mikelle goes up to her room, locks the door, blasts Christmas music, and basically drops a Christmas bomb of decorations everywhere.  Yep, that's right.  I decorate for Christmas on Thanksgiving, so sue me.

After this lovely HOLLAday (as I would call it), starting at mid-night, we go shopping all night for stuff that we don't need.  This is known as Black Friday.  It is also a day when everyone in America turns into animals when they see the item they want.  Which results in many people getting trampled (Exhibit A).  My family does not participate in this though, because we enjoy our sleep, unlike some people.

Now, thanks to me, if you are ever to be in the need of impressing someone (possibly a significant other) you can bring up all the new information that you have just learned.  I don't know what significant other would be impressed by your knowledge of Americans eating a lot and watching football, but you never know.

Watching Children in my Free-time?

As a teenager with a very short attention span, I find that I need a sufficient amount of money to use towards entertainment.  This so called "entertainment" money may be mistaken for drug money, but it is really only used towards these 5 things: Cafe Rio, Unnecessary items at Walmart that seem important at the time, but never are, more Cafe Rio, sticker books, various "claw" games that I never win, and clothes that I will probably return anyway.

As you can see, the small amount of money that I have is dire to my teenage experience.  "How do I get all of this moolah?" you may ask.  And the answer to that question, long story short is by intently watching young children while alone in a house.  Or as the 'cool kids' call it these days, "babysitting."  Even though I babysit quite often, and am quite good at it (no need to brag or anything), I still wonder why I am allowed to be trusted with children.  I mean, would you really want me, out of all people, to be in charge of your beloved tiny humans?  Yeah, probably not.  But considering the circumstances, I am actually a great babysitter.

Exhibit A:

(low quality photo, high quality baby creds to myself)

STORY TIME:
Last summer, I was babysitting a 6 year-old girl and she was being difficult, to say the least.  I usually don't have a short temper when it comes to kids, but that day I was just tired and was not in the mood.  Instead of putting her to bed at her bed time, I put her to bed an hour and a half early so I could watch Disney Channel without interruption.  Although this may sound terrible, you know you would've done it too.

Another time, more recently, I was babysitting a girl and her baby sister.  When talking to the girl about her life and baby sister, I made the mistake of referring to the baby as a "fetus."  Here is a definition incase you were wondering:

(credits to the Apple dictionary widget)

This brought an abundant amount of confusion from the girl, and she kept asking me for the next 15 minutes what it meant.  At this point in time, I had mentally switched to panic mode, not wanting to say the wrong thing.  Out of a weak moment, I told her that fetus was another word for food.  Immediately after explaining this, I regretted what I said.  I then told her that I made up the word, just to save myself and her from further confusion down the road.  Bad choice, Mikelle, very bad choice.

*I would just like to put it out there that I am in fact not a cannibal and do not promote cannibalism in any way, it was just a bad time in my life.*

Whenever I babysit and the kid(s) are asleep, I always find myself watching the kid show that they were watching earlier.  I sometimes will switch it to Friends, but then decide that I need a better Disney Channel education.  Don't judge, you know you do it too (hopefully).

Anyway, long story short is, if your kid asks you why you are eating a fetus when you are at the dinner table, take it easy on me.  I'm new to this stuff.

The New Tyler Oakley?

Oh hey there.  Looks like you're right on time, my friend.  You know why?  It's because it's story time w/ Mikelle.  No, this is not story time where we sit in a circle on the floor and read Dr. Seuss (although it could be).  This is where I tell a (usually embarrassing) story about my life.  My homies that took my poll voted for this, so if you're not happy about it, you should blame them.  Anyway, on to the story.

*Flash back to 13 year old Mikelle*

As you may or may not know, I am a frequent YouTube user.  At this point in my life, I watched almost every video on every (relevant) topic there was.  A couple of the ones that I remember watching a lot were videos on  how to make money as a teenager.  (And yes, 13 is considered being a teenager so don't even start with the "tween" crap)  On many of the videos, it suggested to start a YouTube channel.  So, being adventurous Mikelle, I made an account.

My first video was called "The Whisper Challenge" and if you don't watch YouTube, it is basically the most over-used video idea/challenge ever.  The video was terrible to say the least, but what else can you expect from a 2009 laptop webcam and iMovie editing?  I was almost proud of it, and decided to make another video called "10 things I hate about school."  This, like the first video, is a very over-used topic.  It ended up being an over ten minute video of me rambling with Katy Perry playing in the background.

Two of my friends "liked" it, and we were convinced that I was going to have hundreds of subscribers.  This never happened, obviously but I was still semi-determined.  I could be the next Tyler Oakley, right?

(Smurf creds to The Daily Beast)

(Albino egg creds to myself)

Right. (at least that's what I thought)
I attempted to film two other videos after that, both going unfinished because they didn't turn out to say the least.  One of them was a prank calling video, which nobody answered their phone to any of my calls. self explanatory.  The second one was a DIY video.  I honestly should've given up sooner on this one, seeing as that I can't even open a bottle of Elmer's glue, let alone tell other people how to be crafty.  It's a huge struggle for people like me.  Anyway, I was planning on making an artsy mason jar with glued-on leaves on the outside (my mom helped me open the glue).  It was going well, I got almost all of the footage when I forgot about the jar.  How do you forget about a project that you have to film about?  I honestly will never know.  Flash forward to two weeks later, I finally remembered that I needed to film the end product.  When I went to go get my beloved masterpiece, I saw that every single leaf glued on my mason jar had died on the jar.  Thanks, Obama.

After that, you could say I took an early retirement.  Now I know what you might be thinking, and no, the videos are not on YouTube anymore.  I can handle a lot of embarrassment, but those videos were a little too high on the scale.  So, lo siento mi amigo.  I know, you all want to keep all tabs about my life, but I will make it up to you somehow (probs not though).

Mikelle 2020

As most of you probably know, Mr. Kanye (Yeezy) West has announced, very abruptly, that he will be running for President of the United States of America in the year 2020.  If you hadn't heard that, then you should really turn on your T.V. or computer more because that is old news, my friend.  Now, as much as I kind of (not really) respect Kanye, I know that I would be a better President for these reasons (there are obviously an infinite amount, but I thought I would make it short for the readers at home):

1.  Kanye may love himself more than anything else, but I love dinosaur nuggets even more. (Self explanatory)
2.  I will print more money because nobody has time for debt (*cough cough* thank Costco for that one).
3.  With Kanye as President, every speech will be 20+ minutes long. . . Do you want to sit through that, America?  That's what I thought.  Instead of speaking, I will just broadcast old Jonas Brothers music videos.  That says enough.
4.  I will make another language for our Nation, but only the Pope and I will learn it.  Let the confusion begin.
6.  Inaugural address?  No, thanks.  Instead of doing that boring stuff, I will stand up in front of millions of Americans, and perform a spoken word version of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.  Mama, ooh.
7. I will make every classic 80's movie's anniversary be a holiday where everyone has to watch that movie.  Our children need a true education on what is actually important in life (you will thank me later).
8.  Kanye may be able to rap, but can he rap in Spanish?  Got that one on you, Kanye.
9. I have hair. Exhibit A:

(Beauty captured by Urban Islandz)

Or do I...?

(Egg baby creds to mi madre)

10. As Rachael says, I have better facial hair than Kanye.  Thanks man, you're such a good friend.

Now, I know what you may be thinking: What are your thoughts on *states political issue*?
Well, I will tell you, fine citizen.

The answer to anything and everything is this:
"If it sounds stupid, it probably is."
-Mikelle

You also may be wondering: Where is number 5?  The same answer applies.  I do what I want.

Kanye, being a multi millionaire, has a little bit of an advantage when it comes to campaigning.  Me, on the other hand, will have to improvise.  If you vote for me, you will get an Easter sticker from my grocery store collection (it's very exclusive).  You may be wondering: "Why would I want an Easter sticker if it's not even Easter?"  But honestly, why wouldn't you?  Also, if you are a dedicated member of the Mikelle party, and yes it is a real thing, then I might even throw in an expired coupon to Justice.  Free of charge *wink wink*.

If you vote for me, I will improve school lunches to Café Rio status, make every grocery store give free stickers 24/7, and I will begone with fake hair.  I'm talking to you, Donald.  We all know you're hair isn't that luscious.

Things That Shouldn't Be Things

As I have learned from my many years on this Earth, there are a lot of different things here.  Some are good things, and some should just not. For example: does anyone really like t.v. commercials? No, because they take time away from your favorite soap opera and/or various guilty pleasure shows.  No me gusta.  Here are 20 things that I truly believe should not exist:

1. Age limits on kids' meals

I am a free American citizen, and if I want chicken fingers, you better give me my chicken fingers.  There should never be an age limit on dreams.

2. Restaurants that only serve breakfast until 11

If I am lazy enough to get breakfast at a restaurant instead of just making cereal at home, asking me to go to the restaurant before 11 is just asking too much.  I’m only one person.

3. Homework that takes longer than an hour to complete.

I shouldn't have to explain this one.

4. Youtube re-makes

Repeating the same thing someone else said will never be as fun as the original.  #sorrynotsorry

5. The Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelors in Paridise

I don’t care about you’re love life, especially not if you have to pick from 12 other attention seekers, to give a mere rose to.  I am not spending an entire season of my life waiting for you to give a girl/guy something that you can buy at Smith's for $9.99.

6. Croc Charms

Seriously, why did anyone ever find enjoyment in those? I will never understand.

7. Crocs

Even if they weren’t shaped like a mix between swiss cheese and clown shoes, they would still be ugly.

8. Snuggies'

They are just backwards bath robes that allow no cuddling whatsoever.  Not that I would ever have the need to cuddle anyone, but if the time comes you should always be prepared.  Just get a onesie instead.

(Gorgeous 'camel' snuggie captured by Snuggie Blanket Shop)

9. Spoilers

If you know the ending to my favorite book, movie, or T.V. show and you tell me that ending, we can no longer be friends.

10. Starbucks “coffee” drinks

If your “coffee” has more sugar and cream then it does coffee, it’s not coffee and you need to stop.

11. Foods that are unnecessarily deep fried

Fried strawberries, really?  You’re the reason why a large percentage of Americans are obese.

12. School lunches

If I can’t identify what I am eating without reading it on a white-board, it should not be sold to children.

13. Mice

Sorry Cinderella, but some of us talk to people about our problems, not disease-carrying rodents.

14. Mosquitoes

Do not suck my blood, it’s disgusting.  Only Daemon and/or Stephen Salvatore from Vampire Diaries have access to my blood.  Case closed.

15. Hotel soap

We all know that’s not a real scent.

16. People who make no effort to talk to you, but ask why you never talk to them.

In other words, the people who all they have to say to you is "HAGS".

17. Ads that don’t let you skip them

I am happy with the car insurance I have, Geico.  Now please let me stream my music in peace.

(Inspiration brought to you from Girl Scouts Western Pennsylvania)

18. Chain emails/texts
I've never forwarded your email and my mom is still alive, thank you very much.

19. People who talk through movies
I did not pay $7.50 to hear about your day, just watch the movie.

20. Keyboard clicks
Now the whole world knows how slow you text (I'm talking to you, Mom)

Somewhat Unfortunate Fetus Events

Everyone has an embarrassing moment or two as a child that haunt them for the rest of their lives. Being the person I am now, one can only imagine how I was as a small human.  As requested, this post is going to explain only a few of these events in time.  And as much as I may deny, some of these stories are more recent than I would like to admit.  On that note, let's do this.

Story #1 The Mac-and-Cheese House:

I will tell you a little of a backstory before I get into this one.  Growing up, I lived next to a family of three girls, one in which was my age.  Let's just say that these girls weren't the nicest people ever.  I was on a soccer team at the time, and the neighbor my age was on our rival team, so that only added to the tension.  I couldn't just let these girls go around being mean, right?  So I took matters into my own hands.
Mac and cheese was a huge part of my diet as a kid, especially when my homies came over (shoutout to my people over at Kraft).  One day in particular, my best friend Thomas (names will be changed for obvious reasons) was over at my house.  My mom made mac and cheese for us and we were sitting in my backyard.  He knew how much I disliked these girls, and we ended up throwing most of our mac and cheese at the neighbor's house, over my fence.  If you think that is the worst part, then you are sadly mistaken.  The small pieces of artificial-cheese covered pasta ended up sticking to their house, with no sign of falling off any time soon.  After that, every time Thomas came over, we would strategically save most of our macaroni and cheese to throw at the neighbor's house.  Not only did they stick for days, but two years later, when moving out of that house, we found the hard pieces of macaroni still stuck all over the side of my neighbor's house.  Don't mess with me, man.  You might find macaroni stuck to your house.

Story #2 The Not-so Amazing Allyson

It was around Christmas time when I was around seven or eight.  I had been begging for six months for my parents (and santa) to get me an Amazing Allysen doll.

(Photo from Toy Directory)

Not only was this doll super fashionable to young Mikelle, but she would also talk to you and "do things" with you.  I put quotations right there because she didn't actually do those things, but hey it's the thought that counts.  (She was quite expensive, also.)  Anyway, I was extremely excited to see none other than an Amazing Allysen doll under the Christmas tree that morning.  I spent countless hours playing with it, completely mesmerized by it.  Later that night, my family was sitting in the kitchen while I was in the living room right next to the kitchen, playing with my new best friend.  When I finally was done talking to my doll, I pressed her left hand for her to go to sleep, as she had instructed. Only when I pressed her hand, she did not go to sleep.  Instead she said, "Do you want to go shopping?"  I replied with, "No, go to sleep."
This process repeated a couple times until I started getting frustrated.  I don't remember much of this story, but as my family says, they looked over to the living room to see little me, crying and banging my Amazing Allysen doll on the ground.  Yelling, "SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP" many times until I eventually hid her under the couch, still crying.  The moral of this story is, if someone squeezes your left hand, don't ask them to go shopping.

I think that is enough embarrassment for one person so, that will be the end of this post.  Before you start crying, there will most likely be many posts on even more embarrassing stories in the future.

Shoulder Fettish?!

Dear school dress code,

I have been in school for most of my life now.  I guess you could say that I am very experienced, an expert even, at everything school related.  (Except math, that is still a work in progress.) Even with my expertise and Masters degree worthy knowledge of this, I still have many questions about the school system in general.  Let me be more specific.  Let's talk about the dress code, shall we?

I understand wanting to keep students from dressing inappropriately, but not even being able to show your shoulders, really? Have you ever been in a classroom or walking down the street, and have been distracted by shoulders? Ya me neither. Maybe it is just me, but shoulders are the least of my worries when it comes to being distracted.  Or, maybe the school board just has a shoulder fetish? Yeah, let's go with that one.

(Picture from Anonymously Relatable)

What about the whole "no hat in classrooms" rule?  I have personally never been talking to someone, and felt a lack of respect because that person was wearing a hat.  So to all of the teachers reading this: at least use a better excuse to as why we can't wear a beanie, because we all know that respect is not it.
Next, we have the "fingertip rule."  All of the tall people out there in the world will understand where I am coming from.  It is extremely hard to find long enough shorts, skirts, etc. when the average height in most clothing stores is around 5'3".  It just does not work out.  If you guys want to go out and buy me long enough shorts, then go right ahead, but if my shorts are covering everything that needs to be, just let me go to class in peace.  Don't make me change into gym clothes, that just becomes more distracting than shoulders and not just because it doesn't look good (have you ever smelled the girls locker room? I rest my case).

(well said, tall girl problems)

For those of you who are not familiar with my school, we recently had a dress code change.  Before the change, we weren't even allowed to wear scarves.  Yes, you did read this right, SCARVES.  The school's reasoning, best of all, was that it is a choking hazard and can be used to harm someone else. What kind of teenager or elementary school kid even, would be so immature as to use someone's scarf to choke another?  The world may never know.
Long story short, my dear dress code, just stop being stupid and discriminating.
"That's all I gotta sat 'bout that." -Forrest Gump

You're #1 Hater,
Mikelle